Well, we've all been there. We've put in everything we can in our resumes to make sure companies take notice and hire us / invite us over for an interview....but there's one thing i'd definitely like to do.... put a set of goofy qualifications on my resume and watch as good company representatives stare back at me when i visit their career fair booths, all suited and booted. Here's a couple of them...no particular order.. though u can tell me which one u liked the most...!! :)
11. Can work well under pressure - Can sit without tapping nervously on steering wheel when pulled over by Cop
10. Can effectively multitask - Can have YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and several other tabs open and not miss a beat
9. Can handle large volumes of information - Can watch 63 episodes of Family Guy in one evening.
8. Has a penchant for time management - Wrote blog, ate bag of chips and watched 10 more episodes while preparing for this career fair....
7. Has strong interpersonal skills - Have 433 friends on Facebook, 1600 friends on Orkut and another 200 follwers on twitter. Many of them 'like' what i put up.
6. Has work experience - Was once offered $2 to buy neighbour-lady pickles from Meijer
5. Is a team player - Always has bunch of cronies to go to bars with
4. Has effective conflict resolution skills - Smashed martini glass onto barkeep's head to keep him from telling boucer that I scratched expletive on counter
3. Has good grades - what was the name of that website where you get free notes again?
2. Has effective communication skills - 'Expletive'
1. Needs job and will perform well in position offered - $20 taped to back of resume.
(Thanks for reading. Comment away!!)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Assorted Laughs from Blogs that never made it
For every single post that I write on this blog..there's about six that i reject .....well..i know that sounds really cool-n-all (yes I do accept fan mail at my id..hate-mail too...just in case)...:|
I decided to make this mid month post as a collection of things that could've been awesome blog posts but never made it past the first few paragraphs.
The Origin of the Orange[Chicken]: I once started a post that talked about different versions of the fictitious (...hopefully) origin story for my favorite dish. Here's my favorite from those ideas...
"The Rajnikanth" is on a mission to the sun. He is so pissed that the weather in Chennai is so hot that he wraps the sun up in his jacket and throws it high up in the air...err..wait.. the sun is already in the air.. but thats ok.. Rajnikanth is a being of cosmic proportions..and the sun for him is just waist high...
...back to our story. Rajni throw is so powerful, the wrapped sun falls into an alternate dimension populated entirely by chickens....this causes annihilation of that entire dimension...
Regretting his inadvertant mistake Rajni restores that dimension with his mystical powers (he's rajni... he can do anything) and to pacify the chicken dimension and preventing them from invading ours. he creates a dish called ORANGE CHICKEN as a tribute to the chickens that lost their lives because of being hit by rajni's sun control jacket...and to this day he made sure that grad students worship that dish !
Things to do on a bus while waiting for a train: Well...those of us who still don't have cars still do a lot of this..especially if you travel to college from spartan village. Some of the on that list included
-- Screaming.."THATS MY BABY!" and pointing to the train track.
-- Switching on sound recording on the cell phone and having a loud monologue...try starting with.."Grad Student War Journal... Entry number 2203, June 16th..Surrounded in bus by foul smelling homo sapiens... supressing urge to puke..."
-- Making farting sound with lips and looking accusingly at sleepy grad student next to you...sniffing the air loudly.
-- Locking eyes with a member of the same sex while talking into the phone...watch them cringe..
-- Count number of coaches loudly with goofy numbers (hint: pi, e, infinity, C, X, Thetha)
-- Sleep
Halloween Costumes I'd like to see: I started this one but couldnt really go too far... any ideas on... what would you guys'd like to see ?
Grad Student -- 2 dollar blooper sweatshirt thats two sizes bigger thrown over cheap walmart pants. complete with laptop bag that looks like it hasnt been cleaned in ages...with accessories like the 5 dollar footlong, library book and headphones with ipod. can include mask of stubbled unkempt face.
80's Indian Government Employee -- Bajaj style 'open in front' helmet with black, shell framed glasses. Brown striped shirt non-tucked in, thick black moustache. Black trousers over bata hawai slippers with blue clasps. Clutches copy of the Indian Express or that brown economic times with a black oversized umbrella in the other hand.
(Thanks for reading. Comment away!)
I decided to make this mid month post as a collection of things that could've been awesome blog posts but never made it past the first few paragraphs.
The Origin of the Orange[Chicken]: I once started a post that talked about different versions of the fictitious (...hopefully) origin story for my favorite dish. Here's my favorite from those ideas...
"The Rajnikanth" is on a mission to the sun. He is so pissed that the weather in Chennai is so hot that he wraps the sun up in his jacket and throws it high up in the air...err..wait.. the sun is already in the air.. but thats ok.. Rajnikanth is a being of cosmic proportions..and the sun for him is just waist high...
...back to our story. Rajni throw is so powerful, the wrapped sun falls into an alternate dimension populated entirely by chickens....this causes annihilation of that entire dimension...
Regretting his inadvertant mistake Rajni restores that dimension with his mystical powers (he's rajni... he can do anything) and to pacify the chicken dimension and preventing them from invading ours. he creates a dish called ORANGE CHICKEN as a tribute to the chickens that lost their lives because of being hit by rajni's sun control jacket...and to this day he made sure that grad students worship that dish !
Things to do on a bus while waiting for a train: Well...those of us who still don't have cars still do a lot of this..especially if you travel to college from spartan village. Some of the on that list included
-- Screaming.."THATS MY BABY!" and pointing to the train track.
-- Switching on sound recording on the cell phone and having a loud monologue...try starting with.."Grad Student War Journal... Entry number 2203, June 16th..Surrounded in bus by foul smelling homo sapiens... supressing urge to puke..."
-- Making farting sound with lips and looking accusingly at sleepy grad student next to you...sniffing the air loudly.
-- Locking eyes with a member of the same sex while talking into the phone...watch them cringe..
-- Count number of coaches loudly with goofy numbers (hint: pi, e, infinity, C, X, Thetha)
-- Sleep
Halloween Costumes I'd like to see: I started this one but couldnt really go too far... any ideas on... what would you guys'd like to see ?
Grad Student -- 2 dollar blooper sweatshirt thats two sizes bigger thrown over cheap walmart pants. complete with laptop bag that looks like it hasnt been cleaned in ages...with accessories like the 5 dollar footlong, library book and headphones with ipod. can include mask of stubbled unkempt face.
80's Indian Government Employee -- Bajaj style 'open in front' helmet with black, shell framed glasses. Brown striped shirt non-tucked in, thick black moustache. Black trousers over bata hawai slippers with blue clasps. Clutches copy of the Indian Express or that brown economic times with a black oversized umbrella in the other hand.
(Thanks for reading. Comment away!)
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Taxonomy of The Status Message
I know I haven't blogged in a while, but that's mainly because I've been doing a lot of other writing (short stories, movie scripts, sci fi novels..... and i already see you groaning and saying.."yeah right")...
A careful analysis of all the posts on my Face-book and Gtalk feed show me that there are really only four types of status messages.
Type 1: The Cribber: Mostly originating from all types of people who have to work at some point of time during their day. Sometimes from people who dont have any work at all too.
but most of the time originating from people who have to do something awesomely difficult.. like get up and switch on the fan.. or eat a bar of chocolate (Catch my drift?)...
Examples: Have soooo many deadlines.... Oh my god my pet rock is on a tree and i'm sitting down calling to it but its so much work that my throat aches. Oh shit oh damn it to hell i need to write an assignment and i'm not in a mood because i'm so damn lazy but its not good to be lazy and i need to work....etc etc.. blah blah.. blooh blooh.. yeah whatever..... crib crib..
Type 2: The Show Off: This is a classic and has existed ever since the early days of social networking.... and ever since Aol gave you that annoying custom status message option... Messages of this type range from the well intended, "I had such a great time in [add place here]" to the impossible... "I just did thirteen hours on the treadmill"....
A popular benign subtype of type 2...is the quotation...Most people have this irresistable urge to transform a common quote they heard into their status message. most have the good nature to credit the source...
Type 3: The Beyonder: Have you ever read one of those status messages that doesnt seem to make any sense at all ? Something about dreams and chaos and several other esoteric concepts written in a way that they're understandable only to those that write them?... Well.. there it is.. you have something thats beyond you... we choose to call this, the Beyonder..
Example: Springy Dreams bylane the corner of the window when abracadabra we chant.
(P.S. Dont even try explaining to me what this means...)
Type 4: The Social Butterfly: Well.. there's those messages where people want to thank, congratulate or placate other users. Something about "Oh this person draws like a cuckoo that just had enough caffeine to kill a bull elephant.." or something like that. These are mostly well intended... and give both the person and the recipient enough snob value to last a week.. Some trivia here.. i initially wanted to call this type something else (P.S. this blog still is PG-13).. but decided to stick with the current name...
Cross Breeds: Type 1 messages and Type 2 messages tend to dominate most wall posts.. though, as mentioned before, the line between the four types blurs considerably. For example, sometimes a type 1 message is used to create the effect of a type 2. For example.. consider the following message.
"OH I'm on the lab on a sunday morning when everyone else is either watching rosie o donnel or sleeping".. this message is essentially a type 1 intended to create the effect of a type 2. Cribbing as a means of showing off..!!
Most type 3 messages are also intended to have the effect of type 2....Oh my god look at me.. I can write this but u cant understand..!
Think about it.. take any message... any message at all on facebook, aol, gtalk, orkut.. heck anything at all.. and it shall be a combination of these four types...
(Thanks for reading. Comment Away !!)
A careful analysis of all the posts on my Face-book and Gtalk feed show me that there are really only four types of status messages.
Type 1: The Cribber: Mostly originating from all types of people who have to work at some point of time during their day. Sometimes from people who dont have any work at all too.
but most of the time originating from people who have to do something awesomely difficult.. like get up and switch on the fan.. or eat a bar of chocolate (Catch my drift?)...
Examples: Have soooo many deadlines.... Oh my god my pet rock is on a tree and i'm sitting down calling to it but its so much work that my throat aches. Oh shit oh damn it to hell i need to write an assignment and i'm not in a mood because i'm so damn lazy but its not good to be lazy and i need to work....etc etc.. blah blah.. blooh blooh.. yeah whatever..... crib crib..
Type 2: The Show Off: This is a classic and has existed ever since the early days of social networking.... and ever since Aol gave you that annoying custom status message option... Messages of this type range from the well intended, "I had such a great time in [add place here]" to the impossible... "I just did thirteen hours on the treadmill"....
A popular benign subtype of type 2...is the quotation...Most people have this irresistable urge to transform a common quote they heard into their status message. most have the good nature to credit the source...
Type 3: The Beyonder: Have you ever read one of those status messages that doesnt seem to make any sense at all ? Something about dreams and chaos and several other esoteric concepts written in a way that they're understandable only to those that write them?... Well.. there it is.. you have something thats beyond you... we choose to call this, the Beyonder..
Example: Springy Dreams bylane the corner of the window when abracadabra we chant.
(P.S. Dont even try explaining to me what this means...)
Type 4: The Social Butterfly: Well.. there's those messages where people want to thank, congratulate or placate other users. Something about "Oh this person draws like a cuckoo that just had enough caffeine to kill a bull elephant.." or something like that. These are mostly well intended... and give both the person and the recipient enough snob value to last a week.. Some trivia here.. i initially wanted to call this type something else (P.S. this blog still is PG-13).. but decided to stick with the current name...
Cross Breeds: Type 1 messages and Type 2 messages tend to dominate most wall posts.. though, as mentioned before, the line between the four types blurs considerably. For example, sometimes a type 1 message is used to create the effect of a type 2. For example.. consider the following message.
"OH I'm on the lab on a sunday morning when everyone else is either watching rosie o donnel or sleeping".. this message is essentially a type 1 intended to create the effect of a type 2. Cribbing as a means of showing off..!!
Most type 3 messages are also intended to have the effect of type 2....Oh my god look at me.. I can write this but u cant understand..!
Think about it.. take any message... any message at all on facebook, aol, gtalk, orkut.. heck anything at all.. and it shall be a combination of these four types...
(Thanks for reading. Comment Away !!)
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