Things I'd like to put on my Resume

Well, we've all been there. We've put in everything we can in our resumes to make sure companies take notice and hire us / invite us over for an interview....but there's one thing i'd definitely like to do.... put a set of goofy qualifications on my resume and watch as good company representatives stare back at me when i visit their career fair booths, all suited and booted. Here's a couple of them...no particular order.. though u can tell me which one u liked the most...!! :)

11. Can work well under pressure - Can sit without tapping nervously on steering wheel when pulled over by Cop

10. Can effectively multitask - Can have YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and several other tabs open and not miss a beat

9. Can handle large volumes of information - Can watch 63 episodes of Family Guy in one evening.

8. Has a penchant for time management - Wrote blog, ate bag of chips and watched 10 more episodes while preparing for this career fair....

7. Has strong interpersonal skills - Have 433 friends on Facebook, 1600 friends on Orkut and another 200 follwers on twitter. Many of them 'like' what i put up.

6. Has work experience - Was once offered $2 to buy neighbour-lady pickles from Meijer

5. Is a team player - Always has bunch of cronies to go to bars with

4. Has effective conflict resolution skills - Smashed martini glass onto barkeep's head to keep him from telling boucer that I scratched expletive on counter

3. Has good grades - what was the name of that website where you get free notes again?

2. Has effective communication skills - 'Expletive'

1. Needs job and will perform well in position offered - $20 taped to back of resume.

(Thanks for reading. Comment away!!)