Alternate Careers 101

Well, A recent status message on my FB page read

"is now seriously considering an alternate career as a Professional Wrestling Ring Announcer (and that takes my 'alternate careers' list to 23)"

There's an unwritten rule of facebook that says this...

"If the post is by a female there're at least twenty men, women and children who like, comment, cosset and coddle her until her next post... if the post if by a male, there's at least one douchebag who says 'citation needed'...."

Well, as always i was exaggerating when i said 23, but here's a list of ten careers i've seriously considered in the past. Of course, true to the nature of most blogs i write, this post is utterly irrelavant to your work-day... but you're here and you might as well read on.

10. Martial Arts Instructor: Yes. Way back in the late 90's when men were real men, women were real women and Dr.Vijay was still considered an actor par excellence, I had a long stint with a Karate Dojo, but it was not long before everyone at that place realised that my talent lay not in throwing punches and kicks but in babysitting the pre-schoolers sent there by their over-achieving parents.

9. Cricket Commentator: Mandira Bedi wearing noodle-strap sarees during the 96 Cricket world Cup. Nuff said!

8. Chef: I could whip up a mean Maggi when I was in my early teens...but by the time i hit my early 20's my primary interest wasn't in cooking.....but in eating (the paunch says it all)

7. Ad Model: Why didnt this happen? Please refer to the last five words of the previous line.

6. Genetic Engineer: All the misleading science fiction I read in my younger days told me that genetic engineers did three things - Make clones, Make out and Make money. Sadly...Most REAL genetic engineers I've met do three things - study, get phd's and work as post-docs in labs with small bugs in them.

5. Cryptologist: Breaking codes seemed like a cool thing to do for a living until i realised most code breakers have phd's in a certain subject that i've never really got along with that much.

4. Poet:

Back when i was in fourth grade,
Poetry seemed like an awesome trade.

Most of my poems seemed very nice,
some full of sugar, some full of spice.

but everyone puked when they saw my lines,
and poetry got lost in times confines.

3. Superhero: Lets not talk about this one. (P.S.All people who even broach the subject of red underwear in the comments section shall be tied to a chair and made to watch a running loop of 'Sura')

2. Manga Artist: This was before i realised most of my men looked like chimps and most of my women looked like men.

1.Director of blockbuster motion pictures: Well.. most of my stories were stolen by James Cameron, Steven Speilberg and Robert Rodriguez before i could write them.

Thanks for reading !