Ramayana - The Action Comedy (Part 2) - Of Ascetics and Monkey Gods

Note: Read previous post for Part 1 of the Ramayana Trilogy

Ok.. so we have a nice hero (Ram), a nice pretty heroine (Sita), a nice comedic foil to the hero (Lakshmana). Its finally time to toss in the few variables that will make this a full fledged action enterntainer. The Villain, The third hero and the conflict....


So Ram, Lakshman and Sita set out to the forests to serve the 14 year exile that was handed to them. Things pass on nicely.. I mean... you know...

Lakshman: Okay. so there was this one time.. I was practicing closed-eye arrow shooting on the outskirts of the kingdom and I strolled into this movie theatre..

Sita (whispering to ram): Wont your brother ever keep quiet..

Ram (smiles)..

Lakshman: So yeah.. there's this aaawesome movie thats playing..It was called Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Sita: THAT MOVIE wasnt awesome !!!!!!

Lakshman: Aww come on .. it sooo was ! I mean, think about it.. cool hero, Megan Fox, giant robots, Megan Fox, Superb Action, Megan Fox, amazing music, Megan Fox...

Bharata: Did someone say Megan Fox ?

Sita: Hey..What're you doing here?

Lakshman: Yeah.. you JERK .. i thought you sent us here cuz u wanted to be king..

Ram: Bharat..its good to see you. I know you're here to plead for forgiveness and ask me to come back and be king.. but i am obliged to carry out father's wishes.. even if it means 14 years in exile...and relinquishing the right to the throne..

Bharat: Ram.... you're wearing my shoes.. Can i have them back please?

Lakshman, Ram, Sita: DANG !

Well..soon the trio decide to set up camp in a nice clearning in the forest.. Days pass on peacefully until a golden deer passes by while Sita's hanging the clothes..Being the princess that she is..

Sita: Dear?

Ram: Yes Dear?

Sita: I want that Deer.

Ram: You want what, dear?

Sita: I want that golden deer..

Ram: You want that golden what, dear ?

Sita: I want that golden DEER !

Ram: Be more clear, my dear...

Sita: I am clear, my dear..I want that deer !!

Lakshman (Holds up large sign from behind Sita): Just go looking for something.. she aint gonna keep quiet otherwise..

Ram: All right, my dear...I shall go looking for it !

Time passes and Ram aimlessly wanders into the forest....Meanwhile back at base-camp..

Lakshman: Its been a while..I'm getting hungry and Mr.Incarnation Of God isnt back as yet..I'm going to go look for 'im...(draws line on ground).....Do not... whatever happens cross this line !

Sita: What if there's a postman.

Lakshman: We're in the middle of the forest..besides.. no one sends u mail anyways...

Sita: What if there's an earthquake and the roof of the hut caves in

Lakshman: We dont get earthquakes in this part of the country

Sita: What if I need to go water the plants...

Lakshman: You watered them this morning..

Sita: Well.. you eat three times a day.. maybe i should start watering them three times a day..

Lakshman: Well.. I shower once a week... maybe you should water them once a week as well !

Sita: Huh ?

Lakshman: Hang on to that thought.... and u can talk to this "suspicious looking ascetic who wandered into this clearing and is eyeing you continuously" until i'm back.... and mr.ascetic.. if u're planning on kidnapping her.. make sure u gag her well.. she talks too much..(Lakshman speeds up into forest)

Ascetic (hold up hand in V sign): Heya!

Sita: Yeah whatever.. he's one to talk.. so you.. bearded old guy.. whats ur story..

Ascetic: U know.. i gotta great place nearby.. and they're starting the "How I met your mother" marathon in half an hour..

Sita: Wow.. lets go !!

Ascetic (talks to himself): Hey wait a minute ? this is getting to be too easy.. i think this is a trap !

Sita: Come on ! we dont wanna miss the opening..

Ascetic: B..b...but... didnt he ask you to not cross that line he drew on the ground ?

Sita: aww.. what a douchebag.. lets just go ok?!.. i'm bored sick in the middle of this forest ...I wanna go watch some cable television..

Ascetic (Still not convinced) : All right time for Plan B...TRANSFORM !... (Ascetic morphs into the ten headed Demon King Ravana..)

Sita: Wow.. nice CGI.. u working on the next Michael Bay movie or something ?

Raavan: That guy was right.. i should gag her !!

Ravana knocks sita out.. gags her and takes her away to his abode... LANKA ! Lakshman and Ram return to their base and discover a hand written note that says.

" Have kidnapped your wife.. If you want her back. you will have to fight me and defeat me..Yours truly..Raavan of Lanka"

Lakshman: What the hell is a Raavan of whatever...

Ram: Raavan is the present king of Lanka.. looks like he's kidnapped Sita...(rises to full splendid height).. and we have to fight to bring her back !!

Lakshman: aww.. come on.. i heard Paris Hilton is still single ... we can ask her to keep one of those swayamvar things for you.. maybe you could break one of her ex-boyfriends in two or something like that..

Eventually.. Ram and Lakshman decide to go towards Lanka..looking for Sita.

Lakshman: Are we there yet ?

Ram: No

Lakshman: Are we there yet?

Ram: NO !

Lakshman: Are we there YET?

Ram: NO !!!!!

Lakshman: Are we there yet?

Mysterious stranger with Ape Face: He asks that one more time... i'm gonna smash him into the ground..!

Lakshman (chuckles): Hey... Ram.. i thought we were going to Lanka.. not to the set of "Planet of the Apes".. who the heck is this freak anyway..

Mysterious Stranger with Ape Face: You shall pay for this insolence ! I am HANUMAN !...The Son of Vayu (the god of wind) !

Ram: Hanuman sir.. we're on our way to Lanka to rescue Sita... my wife... do you have a GPS we can borrow ?

Hanuman: Certainly noble sir.. but its gonna cost you !!

Lakshman: Name yer price hanu...

Hanuman: Well.. for a few million bananas.. i could be ur loyal friend forever.. and i come complete with my own set of superpowers, battle kit and gadgets !!!

Lakshman: Hey Ram... you got ur credit card on you?

Ram: Yeah.. do you take VISA?

Hanuman: sure.. hold on..yeah.. and i got an Iphone with a card reader application..

Lakshman: Wow. looks like they got an app for everything nowadays....maybe they even got an app that rescues kidnapped wives..

Eventually, Hanuman, Ram and Lakshman reach the Ape Kingdom and meet Sugreeva, the ape king who agrees to help them..It is decided that hanuman first go as a messenger to Raavan's court to try to reason with him..

(In part 3.. Read about Hanuman's confrontation with Raavan and Sita, Kumbhakarna's grand entry into the battle and the final battle between Raavan and Ram to decide the fate of all mankind )